Maintenence

Everyday I just try to stay afloat. When I have a good day I try to make good use of it and when I have a bad day I don't push myself so I can get better faster. I'm afraid to make any changes or do anything like start to exercise because I don't know what is good for me or what will cause damage. I'm still struggling with remembering that people don't see me as sick. Everyone just has this idea of "dainty Megan" getting tired, not being able to cope with big events, anxiety, depression and I don't know if they are able to adjust to "sick Megan" whose body is self destructing, who isn't lazy. Only my husband has seen my major decline and so even my mom says "why are you walking wierd?" um.. what part of widespread inflammation don't you get? There's such a disconnect between reading about something and facing it in real life.

I'm in so much fucking pain. I feel like my skeleton is going to fall apart.